Revelling '05

wow

revelling is starting to get exciting and i am surprised at the ease i feel towards its organisation. all those years of organising student politcal stuff, elections, rallies, etc makes this feel like such a walk in the (thrilling and comparatively rewarding) park.

i know what to expect and that we are doing this for the right reasons. this was often under suspicion when i was participating in student stuff (particularly elections) and that made it harder to be involved. retrospect revels the suspicions were extemely well-warranted. bring on VSU!

surely i don't mean that.

so, to all the one or two people who read my blog, some news!!!

I am putting together a zine for Revelling (hopefully in time). It will be "Underpants" themed and that's all i can tell you. because that is all i know.

gotta go get pretty for the Coopers Trivia. (God That sounds sad! I really do live a very cosmopolitan and exciting life!! much better than yours, of course...ha)

continuation...

little earthquakes:

feeling a little strained today. must we get drunk sometimes and have these fights? they make me wake up tired. sometimes they are over nothing. sometimes they are over something small and precious that makes every bit of difference. but when we fight, so far, we always make it up. and today you were good and kind and sweet and practical. i love you baby.

disappointment:

i can't lie, i am disappointed in a friend. it's a nasty feeling and one that doesn't sit easy in the stomache. it may be some time before i could be bothered to push it out, to vomit it up, to wash it down with a spoonful of sugar. and you may rationalise all you like, i am not convincable. i am "unmotivated", uninspired. why won't you try?

surprise:

liz surprises me again. she pushes forward, grows with each defeat. learns the healthy distraction that work and projects can provide. she is tenacious in her sorrow and her self-containment reaches a balance. i am sad that she is sad, but she watches romance die with an unromantic realism that i understand.

greener pastures:

ali's leaving is to be very significant. in what way, i am not yet sure. how can we know what changes will take place when we shuffle things around to fill an absense? what may come forward? what may die? i am excited for her and for her return. i could not be more supportive of a choice. dive in baby!

in general:

it may look calm at the moment, but i think some deep shifts are occurring, and along fault lines, who knows what may crumble?

Ch Ch Ch Changes...

Who thought so much could change in, like, two or three weeks? It's not so much that "things" are different, it's that they feel different. The things that felt urgent or important just a short time ago have settled into the background, and other layers of the picture have shifted forward and gained in saturation. The colours are black and silver, and a deep shade of red.

I am feeling breathless and excited.

I am working at Manacle now and feel already like a part of something. It is important not to get pulled under the tide. I know that I will take more and buy more. It hardly feels normal not to be "up" at work.


Tonight it is raining and the wetness slides through the hot air, cooling it a little.

My love for my girlfriend has been re-kindled, regenerated, feels new again and again. We have been learning things about play. About power and submission, and about roles.

It takes over, I drown, I come up smiling.

New years was characterised by work and play. Walking around in a haze and bouncing off the walls. "We work hard, we party hard". I am very happy.

It feels like everything is changing. Dave and Will play like cubs in Manacle, consuming each other, then bouncing off to dance in the heat and sweat, sniffing amyl. Luke snogs a very impressive guy and we giggle.

I become a part of something. There is no leaving now. No hiding. No running away.

...to be continued...