Weimar, love and dentistry

“The living ephemera of a lost Berlin, if only a few hundred scraps, had fallen into my hands. Now I had considerably more than a cache of weird material to brighten up a wild performance project. Scattered around my copy stand was enough arcane junk for a book. Or two.” - Mel Gordon, Voluptuous Panic.

Have literally been too busy to blog! But am hauled-up with a swollen face after wisdom tooth extraction, so here it goes. I am working on my chapter/paper on the grotesque. It is a paper that will be a chapter, or perhaps I am just writing the chapter (that’s more like it) and then will have to distil a paper from it next month for the Somatechnics Conference.

I have been so busy with teaching – this was my first week – went well. And also trying to get this chapter happening. Running out of time and keep getting confounded by pain and health issues. Grrrr. Nothing new there.

Had a wonderful dance with Dave et al at the Newtown, and nice dinner at his, and got drunk way too easily! Terrible hang-over this morning – vomming and all! – but still made it to the lecture for 1025 and to my dental appointment.


Aaron has been an angel – taking me to the dentist and putting up with my crap all day… and he even says my face looks pretty! Such a lie, I look like I’m sucking on a golf ball. I said it looks like he beats me… He said something like that I probably deserved it. (I love Aaron’s sense of humour.)

How to record this time? It’s so peaceful and busy and productive and filled with love. Aaron is wonderful and I feel so level at the moment.

Mardi Gras came and went. Josh came to visit us and it was fabulous – a swan song? Or will he be a long-suffering occasional feature of my life?

Alan has all but disappeared. No phone, I think. No contact. Back on morphine. Shame is the colour of his voice. He barely bothered to raise his eyes to look at me when we were both alone in the lounge-room last time he was here. Wonders if he’ll pull himself up? Or slide from the radar, from beauty and talent and wasted brilliance, into the junkie life-long shrinking process. Eyes-down, voice quiet – losing sight of the view from window to the world outside his small uncomplicated addiction. Come on, mate… I hardly think you gave life a fair chance to get you interested.

If you give up now, it will be too soon. And yet, what do I say to you? Nothing.

I stand at the junction of your life and sense you are slowly making a turn you cannot double-back on, and I say nothing. I should at least yell at you once or twice, or write you a letter… Even if I seem a fool, or you tell me I am a looser, out of line, and got it all wrong. Even if you yell at me to mind my own God Damn business, I should try.

What kind of a friend doesn’t try because they are too embarrassed to appear foolish?
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Anyway this is not as much of an issue as it seems in this post. I just thought about it, and that all came out.

For myself, I am a lot happier. Taking much less drugs, and staying home most nights. Spending a lot of time with Aaron and still very much in love.

Hopeful about the year to come, and enjoying being busy. Teaching was definitely the right thing to do. Activity breeds activity in me. Being busy helps me get more work done!

March already! Shit.