My Beautiful Boy / His Gorgeous Girl

He walks into a room and everyone looks up - they notice his slim attractive frame, his sweet smile and dark hair, falling sweetly over one eye - but he resists attention, making himself smaller 'till people look away. He joins the group, relieved that eyes and minds have turned to louder sources of stimulation.

My beautiful boy - doesn't like to be the centre of attention.

He calls me with a giddy smaile in his voice. Shyly asks how my day was, still flirting, still as excited to see me as the day we first kissed.

My beautiful boy - treats me like I am the most interesting person in the world.

He walks whenever he can, sits patiently on busses, sleeps dreamily on the lawn at uni, watches people pass like schools of fish, like soft summer winds, like lazy saturday morning hours spent in bed...

My beautiful boy - is peaceful and good.

He holds me tight and I can feel his love; young and strong, loyal and sure. His body makes me feel calm. His body is familiar and amazing. His eyes look into my eyes and make me pretty. When we get closer, his desire glows and pulses, it is strong, but never selfish, never blind or deaf.

My beautiful boy - is a fabulous lover.

He calls me his gorgeous girl. We laugh a lot, laugh all the time - at ourselves, the world, each other. We're going to have Shrek babies, he's got a boyfriend on the side, I'm more masculine than him... We laugh and coochie coo our way through a lovely afternoon... He likes the cold, I love the warmth, but we both like to shop, both like white wine... and every movie he has shown me has made me cry.

My beautiful boy - has the right ideas on life.

He is young, his body is slender, he sleeps through the night. Sometimes he is childish, and sometimes I crave maturity. Sometimes I am old, bossy and superior, and sometimes he is proud and stubborn. Sometimes I fear imcompatability. But my evolution has slowed down, and I have gained the patience to wait and the desire to grow together. And most of the moments we share together - glorious, sweet and fine - make me feel as if there's no space between us, no inequalities. No gap that is not bridged by love, and his incredible wisdom and kindness.

My beautiful boy - is an old soul with some of a little boy's fears.

He makes today warm and inspiring. He understands yesterday, respects my scars and handles them with care. My baby makes me dream of the tomorrow; a future together. A little family, a life-long partnership... Sometimes I feel I do not know him at all, because he is still getting to know himself. What does his future hold? I do not know, but nor would I want to. I only want him to find his own way, create his own path, and walk it with pride. And, yes, I hope his future is with me, I'm selfish - I don't ever want to be without this kind of love, or far away from his soft kisses, or out of sight/out of his beautiful mind.

My beautiful boy - is his own man; a tree putting down roots steadily, growing slowly but surely, turning his face to the sun and soaking up the beauty.

So, today his gorgeous girl declares her love:

Real, sweet and growing. Keep me close and try to trust me, as I will never stop working to earn your trust and make your days happy. I want to be your constant bright star, your little girl, your equal in conversation, the arms that hold you through tears and smiles, the one that makes you weak at the knees, and the one that makes you strong through the years... Your gypsie dancing in the rain.

My beautiful boy - turned 22. We're going to one of our favourite, dark, throbbing clubs; to feel the deepest warmth (under the ground, below the rain, out of the wind...), to dance away the stiffness of winter, to remember our youth, our bodies - coiled springs of sexuality. And to fill ourselves again with music - dark, sexy, funky, joyful - and new!

Come play in the city with me again, baby. My beautiful boy - for your birthday - this time you are the centre... and the whole world dances with you.

XXXXXOOOOOO



I love you Aaron.

A Room of One's Own

(Well to share with 30-40 other academics...!)

This week coming I will be moving into PGARC 2. The office intended for students writing up in their final year. I will be studying harder and writing every day that I go in. It is a big office with individual desks that are apparently huge (haven't seen it yet), and there's no talking allowed!

I'n many ways I wish I wasn't even doing the thesis - I'm actually quite keen to get outa uni and go to TAFE to do cooking and business - but I feel I need to finish what I started. So, instead of doing this half-arsed, I'm moving into the thesis-den, where I will be surrounded by obsessed academics with no social lives, and only one thing on their minds - the documents on their desktops.

I am honestly sick of wasting time, and quite over my tv addiction - which is only made worse by the cold weather. I'm going out less, taking drugs less often, and really wanting to expand my self-expression:

Mum got me a small, but pretty good guitar at a garage sale, and I really want to learn to play it.

We are going to yoga on tuesday, and I hope to start doing that regularly.

I've paid off heaps of bills in the last few months and this week I bought boots and jumpers for winter, so I am prepared to be poor again (now that work has finished - at least until next semester).

Went out to dinner with Dave the other night. Sorry, Dave *took me* out for dinner! How lovely. We had nice wine and good catch up on everything. It was lovely, I am really thankful for our friendship, which has stood the test of time and many other tests.

Miss you, Lizzo. We probably just keep missing each other, but I'm on hols now (kind of, not really...) but let's get together soon.

Nat, I don't know if you read this blog at all, but I wanted to say I am still really keen to catch up, and want to discuss many things with you. Now that I am not teaching, I'll give you a call really soon so we can do coffee before I organise that grrrls get together. I haven't forgotten, just been busy. XXXXXOOOOOO

Ok. I'm gonna update my thesis blog now, and should be updating it a lot more often now that I'm moving into a room of my own!!! yay.

*em